So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
