he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
