the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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