Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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