becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
