I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
