ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
