He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
