Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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