Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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