Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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