Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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