I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
