I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize