So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My pussy is not your playground.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
