I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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