yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
