We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
