i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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