Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
