MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
