i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
