She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
