Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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