I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
