never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
