you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
