Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
