If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
