I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
