I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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