Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
