Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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