So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
