He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
