Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
