i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
