he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize