8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
