Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize