Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
