you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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