Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
