the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
