I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
