Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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