ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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