i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
