I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
