someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
