feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
