She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
