the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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