So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
