Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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