In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
