Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize