When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
