My underwear smells like fireworks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
