please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
