The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
