I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
