It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize