I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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