Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
