fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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