Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
