it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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