It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
