She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
