I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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