I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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