Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
