Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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