Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
