tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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