were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
