Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize