I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
