I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's blow job season.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
