i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
